today is a new day
reaching into what was old
searching through pages i've looked at before
trying to understand it all
and knowing i'll never get there

I wrote this on April 28th at a cheap hotel in Louisville, Kentucky:

 

::  I'm watching the sun rise from the second floor of the hotel just outside the door.  It's sitting near the horizon like a smoldering coal right now (and I know that's kind of a puny description for something so huge).  It's getting brighter and bigger, orange with a pink haze around it.  It's hiding behind some trees, but I can definitely see it glowing.

I'm glad I get to see it. 

The water in the tiny creek nearby is rippling as thought the rays were tickling its surface.  There's no wind. 

Birds are singing as the sky gets bluer, covered mostly by purple clouds.  I wonder why birds seem to sing more in the morning and evening than during the day, or maybe those are just the times many people notice them.  Some birds seem to have loud, sudden blasts of chirp every few seconds while others have a stretch of consistent twittering that seems to float more in the air.  I like that one the best.

[moments go by]

Now the dark mass of cloud has become gray and they're tearing open above me, really, like a piece of fluffy paper.  The tear is making its way straight towards the sun, which is covered by the gray, fluffy sheet.  The clouds are a bright and beautiful white where they've been torn.

Random: there's a hot air balloon floating on my right 

The sun now seems to be hidden behind a small island of cloud, its rays pouring from the edges.  It almost looks like the cloud is on fire.  Soon the sun will burst forth. 

The surface of the creek that once rippled is now frozen like someone waiting in wonder and expectation right before that time in the movie when they'll feel the warm, sudden tingle that moves from the inside out.

Here comes the sun.  ::

how do I feel right now?

I feel something in my stomach,

       like when my friend touched me the other day when she said "hi" (she surprised me)
    (I caught my breath for a second...   ...  hmmm  ...  think about that.  catching your breath...
                                                                                                              what would that look like?)
             anyway...she's a great person and a good friend. 


I'm sitting alone in my living room right now, and I have memories playing through my mind...
                                                                                   ...I wish I had someone to share them with.

          actually, I wish I had someone to share this time with, but everyone's asleep.
       I'd like to talk to someone  [sigh]  all well...off to bed.